solipsism
For my birthday
I have already received 3 wonderous things, and it's barely lunchtime.
1 - A dead and slightly dessicated cockroach that fell out of the laundry basket. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it, but it did offer a variety of interesting games:
Guessing games - 'how did it get in there?' 'How many more?' 'Have I just unknowingly put one/a dozen/four hundred in the washing machine, and will I be pulling cockroach legs out of my bras for the rest of the year?
2 - A dead and slightly dessicated and rather flat lizard. Under the bathroom mat. Probably brought in by the cats, probably made into reptile pancake by being stepped on. Not only is my house turning into a small halloween-themed graveyard, but the lizard came with the extra gift of Guilt.
The sentimental part of me looked for somewhere to bury it. The birthday girl in me considered spearing it with a safety pin and making a nice brooch. Homemade.
3 - My best friend in the world sent me something very special for my birthday, a gift that keeps on giving: A fabulous opportunity to become fabulously wealthy, all I had to do is forward an email that promises a cheque from Bill Gates to everyone who forwards the email, and so on. Microsoft personally tracks every single email, so it must be true. And apparently comes with a small tin of pink meat?
Anyway, I can't stay here all day, I've got candles to blow out -that hopefully won't burn down the house- on a nice raisin cake that I sensibly left under the fly-paper.
Edit: Present #4 - a period!
God loves me.
I ain't dead.
And this blog ain't dead. It was just 'resting its eyes'.
And sadly Angeltwat isn't dead either. I bumped into him an hour ago.
This is good news for those of you living in London, however, as the sight of him could have caused your intestines to leap out of your abdomen in a brave bid to strangle you, thereby forshorten the suffering.
(To those two of you who hopefully will be gracing Fishville soon, if we should pass the Angeltwat, please keep your horrified cries of 'EW, Solis, how could you?' to a low whimper. I already feel queasy enough as it is. But you do have lots of time to practice the 'Oh I know all about you, your poetry sucks' stare. This is encouraged.)
As for rebellious innards, that also helps explain my absence. A few weeks ago my appendix decided that gangrene-green was a cool colour and peritonitis a fun new hobby. Don't try it at home, kids.
But, long story short, I ain't dead. Huzzah.
And in other news today: I got an email from a new customer (and these arty requests just get more interesting) :
'Do you have any small paintings of handsome young falconers? Please let me know if you do as I collect paintings of boys & men holding hawks and falcons on the gloved fist. '
Signed, Bernard.
I'm not quite sure how to reply to that one. Or if I want to imagine where he'd hang it afterwards...
passwyrd
After dipping a tentative toe into the new waters of 20sox I discovered with slight dismay that a password was needed to read my entries - and I didn't know what that password was.
If you had the same and can't be arsed to wade through help (and can, in fact, be arsed to continue with this at all) then go to the main 20six page, sign in as usual, then go to ''your blogs'' under ''administration'' on the bottom left, then delete the contents of the text box titled ''password of your blog'' and leave it empty (presuming you don't want a password-protected glob) before hitting 'edit data' at the bottom of the page.
Et voilá.
That was my achievement for the day, probably time to go back to bed then.
Oh whoops, sorry, I dozed off for a second.
Did I miss anything?
We're all going to die...
in 2012.
I recently (an hour ago) read that the ancient and perfectly calculated Mayan / Aztec calendar finished in the year 2012.
Not 'tear off the puppy picture for March' finished, but finished, go home, goodnight.
In a civilisation where chocolate was strong and cocaine was legal, the end of the world might not look so bad; but the Aztecs weren't the only ones who thought we'd be fucked in about... seven years:
According to Richard C. Duncan, author of "The Peak of World Oil Production and the Road To The Olduvai Gorge", the 'Olduvai cliff' will begin and permanent blackouts will occur worldwide.
Note the use of the word 'permanent'.
Terence McKenna's 'Novelty Theory' claims that 'time is a fractal wave of increasing novelty' that ends abruptly in 2012.
I don't know what the buggery he means by fractal waves of novelty, but I did hear 'time-ends-abruptly-2012'. Eep.
December 21 - End of the great cycle of the Maya calendar's Long Count and a 26,000 year planetary cycle in the Aztec calendar, and thus the end of this Baktun.
Whassa Baktun? Who knows. Is it good for it to finish? Probably not.
According to the 1997 book 'The Bible Code' a meteor, asteroid or comet will collide with the Earth. Some believe this means the world will end. This event was supposedly prophesized by John the Evangelist as Wormwood in the Book of Revelation.
Clearly the message here is 'destroy all absinthe before it's too late'.
The only ones who seem to think we can survive the year are the Buddha's buddies:
Tibetan Monks specialising in remote viewing predict that divine extra-terrestrials will intervene when the world's governments are about to deploy weapons of mass destruction. The Tibetan Monks say that the world is not ready to be destroyed and that our Earth is blessed and being saved continuously from all kinds of hazards that Mankind is not even aware of.
The 'Prophecy of the Popes', attributed to Saint Malachy, speculated that Pope Benedict XVI would reign during the beginning of the tribulation which Jesus spoke of, and sometime later a future pope described in the prophecy as "Peter the Roman", the last in this prophetic list, would appear, bringing as a result the destruction of the city of Rome and the Last Judgement.
Charismatic Korean religious leader Sun Myung Moon is talking extensively about the End of Restoration in 2012, and beginning of a New Sinless Time for Mankind.
Yay? Or is a 'sinless time for mankind' really as dull as it sounds?
Some postulate that a Galactic SuperWave (A galactic superwave is a large quantity of gamma rays which are released at regular intervals from a Pulsar) will strike the Earth around 2012, as discussed by Dr. Paul LaViolette.
Oh dear.
Okay, kids, you've got 7 years to write your book, travel the world, meet your soulmate, be nice to your family, choose a belief system - and in the case of a few - lose your virginity.
(note: and we still can't get out of hosting the Olympics. Never rains but it pours, eh?)
completely unrelated
to anything else - does anyone know of a decent company in the Uk for getting customised rubber stamps made? An 'accepts paypal' + 'posts to europe' a plus.
And now that I've dared to blog with the word 'rubber' I wonder what my google ads will do.